Journal Archives - January, 2004

           January 1, 2004 ... A look back............................. (Permalink)

Back in October, when I was musing about themes, I complained that an overall definition of my 2003 was hard to come by. Of course, at the time I complained about a lack of defining events, while simultaneously maintaining a guilty silence on the death of my son and my lover, which I didn't know how to disclose -- but I still had a point. 2001 was breakage; 2002 was recovery; but in the last 12 months, there have been ups and downs, quiet gains and stunning losses, and trying to pin down a single mood is basically self-contradicting.

There was Glineth's snap, to be sure, but there were also -- as I noted in October -- such boring but important milestones as my paying off all my credit cards. (Due to a horrendously costly transmission repair on my car, this is no longer the case, but it's a short-term backslide of little symbolic consequence.) And also, it should be noted, me spending the entire calendar year going to work daily for a single employer. Due to a series of geographic moves, temp jobs, and 2001's massive hemorrhage, this is something I have not actually managed to accomplish since college (and even then, only if you count the school newspaper as a year-round job, when in reality my summers were spent on non-work pursuits). I've held jobs for 12 consecutive months since then, of course, but I've cut in and out mid-year.

The upshot is that my 2003 taxes are going to be the simplest they've ever been in my adult life.

Between such financial and employment accomplishments, and a generally quiet but fulfilling and stable social life, I want to say that it's been one of the most ... mundane years for me in a while. But then it's back to chasing the tail of the life-shaking tragedy; there's hardly anything mundane about a year marred by such loss. (At least I hope not! I have better expectations of mundanity than that.)

Of course, the year hasn't all been loss and routine -- not when I have had such triumphs of the head and the heart.

Among my accomplishments this year, for example, has been 40,532 words of fiction, written during what might best be described as a month-long muse orgy.

Rene, in contrast, has been more like a match igniting, bringing not only warmth into my life but also the possibility of a not-distant fire. We've known each other for years online, gathering the firewood of friendship amid banter both intellectual and spiritual. This autumn, something deeper caught alight, and possibility flared out into our pleasantly surprised fingers.

After determining shared interest, we began -- by mutual agreement -- discreetly dating. This was back in September, and we've only grown closer since. If this comes as news, I guess it shows just how successful our discretion was.

Despite the enormous flexibility of the English language, it's a difficult task to find a word to describe how our relationship has progressed since then. We've agreed that what we feel goes beyond the tepid "dating," but -- never having so much as physically met -- it would be silly to declare any sort of formal commitment (the popular term among online dragon circles is "mates", which seems obviously premature) before being able to gauge our chemistry in person.

So, for the moment, we have agreed that we're "courting" -- and we're out of the closet; the time for discretion is past. Come late January, we will have a chance to meet at Further Confusion, at which point I suspect a further announcement will be forthcoming.

So -- Congratulations to me! This being where my thoughts continuously get plastered all over the page, you, o reader, can judge for yourself whether I'm a prize worthy of her charms or not; but I will say with no hesitation that I'm a lucky man to have caught her eye. :-)

           January 9, 2004 ... QotD.................................... (Permalink)

"Well, it's not necessarily political conservatism that's the problem, although of course it's a net minus for me. It's just that conservative people on the whole tend to be so darn ... boring.

"And then, on top of that, they look at me like some kind of freak whenever I tell them how much of a freak I am."

-- Me, chatting with Sev

           January 15, 2004 ... Discretion.............................. (Permalink)

Thought of the day: Discretion is a wonderful trait in a person, and a lousy trait in a writer.

... Wouldn't you like to know?

Maybe after Further Confusion. I'm still half-running myself into the ground, trying to get fully prepared.

           January 26, 2004 ... Post-con ............................... (Permalink)

I've just gotten home from Further Confusion. I'm in the throes of unpacking; I need sleep badly (I really overworked myself doing the convention newsletter); and I'm told it was a fun convention.

I feel like I missed it -- blinked and it went by. On the other hand, I met Rene and the two of us clicked rather well, so that was very nice.

And I did get to go dancing while possessed by a unicorn, so there's something to be said for that.