The URL of this document is http://www.tomorrowlands.org/humor/rts.html.
Real-Time Strategy Game Ideas We'll Never See
Some time ago, a co-worker at the game company I
was employed at sent out an e-mail, essentially asking, "We're going to
make a real-time strategy game (like Warcraft or Command &
Conquer). Do you have any ideas on how to make the game unique and
They probably now regret asking me ... at least if they took any of my
My original reply follows below.
Unique and exciting? Oh, that's easy. Just remember, you asked for it
Looking forward to the game,
- The infamous "Drunken Sailor" pathfinding routine, to encourage unit
- Realistic Warhammer-style "morale checks" for units in combat, to
encourage even more micromanagement.
- Tamagotchi-like units -- which lose strength if you don't regularly
feed them, hug them, etc. -- to encourage *still* more
- 1,700 units to micromanage.
- A turbo feature, for players who somehow can handle all of the
- An AI whose primary purpose is to develop the technology tree far
enough to build a toaster and halt the war for breakfast.
- Units that blow up when you click on them to give them directions,
which look indistinguishable from your ordinary units.
- Nuclear detente, to ensure that those massive games which seem to
drag on forever get briefly interesting at the end.
- The joy of anachronism: Can your army of bloodthirsty
dagger-wielding Elf fanatics take on the Space Legion's finest?
- A mapping system in which mountains slow movement by 99% instead of
blocking it completely, so I can make my famous "all-mountain,
all-the-time" third-party map.
- Cloud cover which randomly completely blocks world visibility.
- Ogres! (Not the fantasy creature, the tank.)
- Great Cthulhu! (If we can arrange the licensing.)
- Ogres vs. Great Cthulhu! Never a dull moment!