----- The Dungeon-Crawl Preparedness Quiz ----- By Baxil, Sept. 2000 -- http://www.tomorrowlands.org Role-players young and old! You've sent your characters into certain death time and again, their only assets three feet of steel, a pack full of general-store junk, and razor-sharp wits. Well, OK, the wits are optional; sometimes all it takes to survive the perils of the Underdark is the ferocity of a pitbull on speed. But what if you had to go through a dungeon-crawl yourself? Would you be prepared? Well? Only a few handy yes-no questions stand between you and the truth! For every question to which you can answer "yes," give yourself the listed number of points. Take a few moments to prepare yourself now. You'll need some way to keep score, and a decently accurate mental inventory of your home and/or bedroom. . . . Ready? GO! ================================================================================= --- 1. Armaments --- We'll start out with the most obvious category. Dungeon crawls are filled with all sorts of nasty beasties, most of which are a little too tough to merely shoo away. So, do you currently possess: * A melee weapon you can use? Kitchen knives and baseball bats count. (5) * An _effective_ melee weapon? Three feet or longer, balanced for combat, and either carries a sharp edge or takes two hands to swing. Weapon proficiency is a plus. (5) * An effective ranged weapon? No "well, I've got some wrenches I could throw" -- we're talking about guns, bows, balanced throwing knives, live grenades. (5) Half credit (2 points) for sharpened darts, shuriken, or anything that could consistently draw blood at 30 feet. --- 2. Protection --- Equally obvious is the fact that these nasty beasties are going to want to hurt you. Along with traps, environmental dangers, and (occasionally) overzealous teammates. If you're an SCA heavy fighter, just score an automatic 15 and move to the next section. * Footwear: Score 1 if you own boots, or 2 if they're steel-toed. * Leggings: Non-ripped jeans score 1, or chaps or (motorcycle) riding pants score 2. * Body: Any heavy coat will get you a point, but it takes at least a leather jacket to earn 3. * Hands: Got gloves? 1. Are they leather or riding gloves? Take 2 instead. * Face: A helmet (bicycle, motorcycle, or otherwise) scores 1, or 2 if full-faced. * Eyes: If you own safety goggles, or if that helmet is visored, score 2. * Weather: It's a little-known fact that caves are *cold*. Most hover in the 40 to 50 degree range, year-round, day and night. So, score 2 points if you own thermal underwear ... or any equivalent which you can wear at the same time as all of the rest of the clothing listed above. --- 3. Light --- Again, this one's a no-brainer: Dungeons are dark. So, do you own: * Any persistent light source? (2) (Candles, pocket flashlights, etc.) * A Mag-Lite, lantern, or other _good_ light source? (4) * A spare change of batteries for that Mag-Lite, or extra lantern oil? (2) * Matches or a lighter? (2) (Even if you went fully electric for the other questions.) --- 4. Navigation --- What good is being able to clear out a dungeon if you can't find your way out again? This section measures how capable you would be at distinguishing between those mazes of twisty passages which all look alike. * Do you own a compass? (4) * Do you own a box of chalk? (2) Permanent markers count, too. * Are you currently keeping score with a paper and pen or pencil? Two points. Yes, I know this sounds unfair to you people adding numbers on your desktop calculator in the background, but in the dungeon, a decent electrical outlet is a luxury. (And you don't own the appropriate converter, anyway.) And keeping track in your head doesn't count, either; never underestimate the value of a written map. * Do you own -- or can you construct within three minutes -- a plumb bob? (2) --- 5. Ropework --- Ropes are the dungeoneer's best friend. How else can you rescue friends from pit traps, tie up captured monsters, shimmy up sheer walls, or severely chafe your hands? So, do you own ... * At least 50 feet of rope rated strong enough to hold your weight? (4) * Smaller pieces of rope for utility purposes? Or bungee cords, leather straps, etc? (2) * A grappling hook? Only one point; they're almost impossible to find these days. And, can you name and tie a knot that ... * Joins two pieces of rope together? (1) (And no bow ties!) * Ties a knot or loop into a rope? (1) * Ties a knot or loop into a rope, without using the ends? (1) --- 6. Mechanical finesse --- The trap on that chest ... the lock on that door ... they need to be bypassed somehow. Are you equipped to do so? If you, by some chance, actually own a set of lockpicks and know how to use them, take 10 and move on to the next section. I don't want to know. * Do you own a Swiss Army Knife, or a set of tools that can do everything it does? (4) * Do you own a set of jeweler's screwdrivers? (2) * Do you own a metal coathanger? (1) * The "If all else fails" dept.: Do you own a crowbar? (3) --- 7. Disaster preparedness --- Sooner or later, things will get ugly. (It's a dungeon, after all.) And you'll have to deal with the aftermath. So, do you own ... * A box of Band-Aids? (1) * A healing potion ... err ... first-aid kit? (4) * Medicinal alcohol? Preferably "rubbing", but technically anything stronger than beer. (2) * Antivenom? Again, not very typical, but VERY handy. (1) * A sewing kit? (2) --- 8. Carrying capacity --- You knew this one was coming. With all of this stuff weighing you down, you're going to have to carry it around somehow. Not to mention the fabulous amounts of treasure you'll be hauling out when you're done. * Do any of the articles of clothing you claimed for points in Section 2 have more pockets than necessary? (This is 3 pockets for jackets, 5 pockets for pants.) One point. * Do you own a backpack? 3 points, or 5 if it has a frame (external or internal). * Do you own a belt pouch or "fanny pack"? Great for keeping small items at hand. (2) * Do you own a good, strong cloth or burlap sack; or a bookbag large enough to fit a full paper bag of groceries? (2) --- 9. Practicalities --- Not strictly necessary, but really just prudent to bring along. * Do you own a day's worth of food that you can eat without cooking? (Practically a gimme, if you're willing to eat dry ramen noodles.) Three points. * Do you own a blanket -- no, scratch that, just give yourself two points. --- 10. Impracticalities --- And those little things that make dungeoneering all worthwhile ... * Do you own a ten-foot pole? (2) Half credit for a five-foot pole, although it doesn't have nearly as much panache. * Do you own at least 10 dice? (3) ================================================================================= ------ SCORING ------ 0-1 points: How'd you score this low ... get marked down for misspelling your name? 2-10: I would call into question, at this score, your ability to safely walk down the street in broad daylight. 11-25: Be thankful that the closest you'll ever likely get to a real dungeon is "Diablo II." 25-40: Don't get your hopes up. Maybe the torch-bearer's guild is hiring. 41-55: Hey, dungeon baby, what's your sign? ... "Enter at your own risk." 56-70: You're doing okay in the preparation department, but remember to pack the razor-sharp wits. 71-85: You're well-equipped to take on the challenges of dungeon exploration. 86-97: When the local dungeon's monsters hear you're coming, they go on strike for health benefits and hazard pay. 98-100: You've probably already cleared out the nine circles of Hell and forced Lolith to say "You're my daddy." I bow before your obvious experience.