Have you ever wished for a dragon of your very own?
Wish no longer! Yes, folks, that's right, you can now ...

Rent a Baxil!

Over 75% Dragon Pure!²   Top-quality grade-A dragon!³   Quality certified!⁴

Baxil is child-safe, trained completely in English, and completely house-broken! He's a great companion for all ages! And best of all, he's affordable! For only a reasonable hourly rate⁵, think of all the fun you could have ... A dragon in your very own home!! WOW!

But not just any dragon!

Aside from having a big vaguely creepy helmet-noggin, Baxil has many special talents, skills and quirks⁶ that make him unique:

• Baxil's a computer programmer. This means that someday he may be AS RICH AS BILL GATES!!!
• Baxil's a hot, testosterone-laden studmuffin.⁷ Entertain the kiddies!⁸
• Baxil's got "3l337 9@m3r 5k!llZ." He can kick your ass in all of the online multiplayer games that he's played.⁹
• Baxil's one of the leaders of a vast, unnamed worldwide conspiracy. Think of the opportunities to influence Western civilization! Or even Eastern, for that matter! Heck, he's probably got orbital mind-control satellites above your head ... GObeamingRENTyouYOURsubliminalBAXILmessagesTODAY... RIGHT NOW!
• Baxil's done embarrassing things before, which can be great fun to tease him about. Go ahead, ask him about the trees!
• Baxil's got a great sense of humor. See his resume. (Not for examples of his practical jokes, dummy. The resume ... oh, never mind.)
• Baxil's mildly squeamish.¹⁰

Have we convinced you yet?

No? Then let's list some of the other fun activities that you can do with your very own Baxil...

• Have him answer e-mail! Even YOUR e-mail! IF YOU RENT BAXIL, YOU CAN GUARANTEE THAT HE RESPONDS TO YOUR E-MAIL!!! How's that for a deal?
• Get him to perform manual labor!¹¹ That's right -- no more yardwork, cooking, or running around to play Ultimate Frisbee for your P.E. class!
• Offer him soft drinks! Watch him recoil in disgust! Laugh at the look on his face!
• Offer him chocolate! Watch him recoil in disgust! Laugh at the look on his face!
• Watch a movie! That's right, for hours of RECURSIVE THRILLS, you can rent Baxil, and then ask him to rent a movie! You heard me right!!! Baxil will rent a movie for you!¹²
• Pester him mercilessly about his being stuck in a human body, and watch him walk out the door!¹³

So order your Baxil today!

What're you waiting for? FILL OUT THIS FORM! Then print it out! Then take a photo of the printout! Then use OCR on the photo and e-mail the results to this webpage! (If you encounter technical problems while following these instructions, please contact us via ICQ UIN (206) 555-2294.)

Yes!! I am excited about this opportunity! Please RUSH me my Baxil! Here are the details of my order: Number of hours to rent Baxil for14:    x $20.00/hr = Payment options:   Cash   Visa   Mastercard   Discover   Gold pieces I live in:   (Pick one) Washington state Oregon or Idaho (you pay transportation) Within continental U.S. (you pay plane fare) In Canada or Mexico (you pay shipping) On Earth (you pay through the nose for shipping) Off Earth (you provide shipping) Tell us a little bit about your plans for Baxil. (We require an accurate answer for insurance purposes. Please limit to 50 words or less.) Type something here!

1. A report from Antwon of antwon.com that according to his server logs, someone had reached his site by doing a search on Google for the phrase "Baxil rental." But hey, it's consumer demand.
2. Measured by the Draconity Purity Test. Yes, I know that 75% isn't nearly as high of a score as some people claim to have gotten. But I took the test seriously, not for some ditzy online role-playing persona. ];=8p
3. In high school. College GPA ~ 3.7.
4. Or at least certifiable.
5. Meaning, you pay me. I'm not THAT desperate for company.
6. One-point GURPS disadvantages.
7. Okay, maybe not.
8. Okay, DEFINITELY not.
9. An exhaustive list currently including, but not necessarily limited to: "Half-life: Counterstrike."
10. This is one of the "Quirks" mentioned above.
11. Baxil reserves the right to subcontract.
12. You'll still pay.
13. You'll still pay.
14. You may even rent Baxil for partial hours. He's a mathematician! He can use his kewl math skillz to figure out what to charge you!
15. Ours.

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TOMORROWLANDS.ORG Home * Contact * Copyright Notice * About Us Please report errors or broken links to the webmaster via the Contact page. Page created Aug 28, 2K. Design (c) 2000 Tad "Baxil" Ramspott.